if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
