I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
