so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
