he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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