I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
