She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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