I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
