i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
