she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
