I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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