So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
