so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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