i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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