This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
