you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
