My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
