if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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