you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
