Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
