im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
