i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize