it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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