I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
