I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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