Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
