If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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