turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why is there bacon in the couch?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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