what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
