just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
