1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize