so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
