He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
