so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
