Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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