Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
