Umm I'm too high to move.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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