I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
