i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
