I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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