he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
