addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
