i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize