So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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