Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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