i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
