He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
