but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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