After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
