but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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