I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
