at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
