i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
