sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
