they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
