9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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