I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
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