i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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