apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize