kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
only if we run a train.
done.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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