I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
