To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
