This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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