Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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