anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
