plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
