Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
