The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
